My Non-Use of Cookies

My website doesn't use “cookies.” Cookies don't enable you to use the non-existing shopping cart nor do they allow you to personalise your experience on my site. Cookies don't tell me which parts of my website you have visited, not do they help me measure the effectiveness of non-existing ads and web searches, and they don't give me insights into your behaviour so that I could improve my communications or my non-existing products.

If you want to disable cookies, check with someone else to find out how to disable cookies. I don't use them, I don't feel responsible to teach you.

Because cookies are used throughout our websites, disabling them won't prevent you from using certain parts of the site.

I cannot categorise non-existent cookies according to the guidelines found in the ICC UK Cookie guide.

Good grief, I don't use cookies. It shouldn't be hard to get.